In continuation of my yesterday's post about losing a ray of hope in life....
Usually when my cab takes me from office to home in the evening i take a nap, a short contented one. But yesterday after hearing about my Guru's demise, could not sleep. Rather was going thru all my past memories and associations with him. I had planned to cry satisfactorily after reaching home and to feel lighter. As soon as i reached home, got ready for a walk in a park closeby. I was singing one of my favourite of his poems " Ellam valla theivamadhu, engum ulladhu neekamara; sollal mattum nambadhe, suyamay sindhithe thelivai;avanai marandhal nee siriyon; avanai arindhal nee periyon; avanil than nee unnil avan , avan yaar, nee yaar pirivedhu." humming it to whatever extent possible was walking back into my memories. I tried to cry out, but in vain. Probably my sub-conscious mind was thinking that, "My guru did not have undergo further disturbances and he is in peace". I was happy to see him in peace rather than live miserably thru all that happened. Can a person who was having half idli a day from 1991, bear the effect of strong pills given after removing a stone?His kidneys failed to do their work. Then a dialysis was done. That was too much on a 95+ year old ripe Gnani. Still wondering How merciless God is at times?