Tuesday, March 28, 2006

In continuation of my yesterday's post about losing a ray of hope in life....
Usually when my cab takes me from office to home in the evening i take a nap, a short contented one. But yesterday after hearing about my Guru's demise, could not sleep. Rather was going thru all my past memories and associations with him. I had planned to cry satisfactorily after reaching home and to feel lighter. As soon as i reached home, got ready for a walk in a park closeby. I was singing one of my favourite of his poems " Ellam valla theivamadhu, engum ulladhu neekamara; sollal mattum nambadhe, suyamay sindhithe thelivai;avanai marandhal nee siriyon; avanai arindhal nee periyon; avanil than nee unnil avan , avan yaar, nee yaar pirivedhu." humming it to whatever extent possible was walking back into my memories. I tried to cry out, but in vain. Probably my sub-conscious mind was thinking that, "My guru did not have undergo further disturbances and he is in peace". I was happy to see him in peace rather than live miserably thru all that happened. Can a person who was having half idli a day from 1991, bear the effect of strong pills given after removing a stone?His kidneys failed to do their work. Then a dialysis was done. That was too much on a 95+ year old ripe Gnani. Still wondering How merciless God is at times?

I just created my blog name as Life is a ray of Hope but one important ray of hope in my life is gone. My spiritual Guru "Vethathiri Maharishi" is gone from this world as on March 28 2006. This is my first blog and i happily named it as ray of hope and one important ray of hope vanished from my life. To tell you more about him, he taught me a lot of things right from standard ten. I attended so many of his classes on spirituality and personality development at Aliyar. He taught me a dsiciplined way of life..whenevr he speaks he brings tears to my eyes. He has spoken about mother and brought tears to so many eyes that were listening to him. I had promised to him that i would not wear silk, killing so many silkworms and wearing that is a heartless act to do. He taught me determination, discipline, health in body and mind. He showed me peace, showed me ecstasy, showed me silence is a very powerful tool. I have been in silence for 15 continuous days once and 6 continuous days again. Those were the days of my life that i really lived. My age is 21 days. Fantastic days of being in communion with God. 21 days, i let God to speak to me, other days in my life i was talking to God. Beautiful 21 days. I died a thousand deaths. I worried a thousand worries. But am in the end ready to bid farewell to the body of my Guru that have served this humanity without any expectations for 95 years. Certain things that happened in the association should have disturbed his mind. His adopted daughter who was taking good care of him for more than 25 years was sent out of that community itself. A staunch follower and a very good friend of Maharishi was also sent out of the community. This should have definitely disturbed the 95 year old a lot that he got heart attack. Even a person like me who is associted with that community for the past 12 years could not take it. How could a person who has started the community to serve humanity take it. I really think, is this how life should treat a mature, stable, Guru at the age of 95. How merciless? Think God must have been a little merciful that such a honourable Guru should not have gone thru such a presure at such a ripe age. Is this for all these things that my Guru worked and devoted his entire life for? When power comes thru authority to any person, he becomes cruel, he forgets the beginning. He forgets the end. He just enjoys power and is rude to a person who taught him life.It was there in the ashram, that i decided on my life partner. I dint know how it struck my mind, but my mind would not heed me and kept going its own way and thought of my life partner. With all his blessings began my life. I write it out with lots of pain that my guru - my guiding light - my ray of hope is no more in flesh and blood on this earth. BUt he is there within me, in my heart and around me guiding me thru every step i take. I know my trust in him will guide me and my family the rest of my life. I did not understand when i had an unbearable headache last evening that it was an omen. Usually when i fall sick at a particular time, either my mom or dad would not be well in body or mind. Yesterday, my headache was unbearable...i was very restless...didnt realize that it was an omen that my Guru is leaving the world. If there is rebirth for me, let me remember my guru and his way "Mouna is way that God communicates with us". Wish and pray for his soul to rest in peace. I know he might have been disturbed a lot. A worthless world and ungrateful people. I wish atleast people like him do not be disturbed by these kind of things. These people wanted to make life better for everybody but they take all troubles for themselves. I can relate it to Jesus being crucified. A similar situation my guru has undergone now. Wish his soul to rest in peace. God take care of him!